Well the weekend is finally here. Only thing is I kinda booked Jordon and myself full. Today I have to work from 8 to 10:30 in Worthington. Next is his game at PNC at 11:30. Then I have to be back at the church for a Devotion. (by the way I love to write them just really do not like to to read them infront of people) Then the Winter Jam concert on campus tonight. THAT I am really excited for. Taking my son to his first concert, and what a concert to go to. I remember the first concert my mom took me to. I was actually a bit younger than Jordon but she took me to see Air Supply. DONT LAUGH!!! But it is a memory I never forgot.
On Sunday of course Sunday morning service. Then I need to make a game of Deal or No Deal for the Quizzers. Then work from "home" from 6 to 10:30 and teach bible quizzing at the same time. So needless to say my weekend is booked already! But that is okay it keeps me busy and actually that is when I am most happy. And I a managing them all pretty well.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
"You know when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales? That fantasy of what your life would be – white dress, prince charming who’d carry you away to a castle on a hill. You’d lie in your bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa clause, the tooth fairy, prince charming –they were so close you could taste them. But eventually you grow up and one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is, it’s hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely because almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope and faith that one day they would open their eyes and it would all come true. "
When I was a little girl I believed it all and slowly one by one it all began to fade until one day there was no more Santa Clause's there were no more Tooth Fairies, and definitely no more Princes. I grew up. I didn't have the white dress when getting married nor did I have everything else that went along with it. I am not jaded or anything I just more of a realist.
Okay lets rewind...fresh out of high school, ready for college I had the world at my feet and I thought for sure I would be something great. A GREAT Business woman, living in a high rise and honestly in love with the perfect man. Okay so, none of that has happen is my life terrible? FAR FROM IT. I am a single mom, kinda proud of that fact not so fact that my marriage failed but more so that I am able to raise a very well behaved, loving child. I just started a new job where I really enjoy it. I can tell it is going to be very challenging yet I will enjoy every second of it. Are you kidding? Learning something new everyday. How can I complain? I don't have a terrible life in the least just not what I expected.
Every time I have ever started falling for someone it has been head over heels don't look back and JUMP with both feet. What happens? Every time I get shown that it isn't what I thought it would be. Well to be honest the next time it wont be that way. kinda like when you are on the beach(even though I haven't been there) you get a little wet then slowly move forward that is what I want something that I can grow into. Someone I can grow with.
Not just jump in and say okay here we are, and it is to late to turn back now. I really been wondering lately if there is something wrong with that, is it just me or is it really that the WHOLE world is rush rush rush. We rush into marriage, we rush into divorce. We rush to have kids and then want to rush them to grow up. What is wrong with taking our time and enjoying the things around us. I find myself telling Jordon that alot lately don't be in such a rush to grow up. He is always asking what age do I have to be to do this or that? With the snow today we did go out and play for a little bit after shoveling the snow.
Anyways maybe that is just the fairytale thing coming back to me. Maybe I am still looking for the prince charming to come and sweep me off my feet. Maybe I am not so much of a realist after all maybe I have a good mixture of dreamer and realist I know what is real but I still wish for that perfect life. And just maybe....
"It’s hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely because almost everyone has that smallest bit of faith and hope that one day they would open their eyes and it would all come true. At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don’t really expect it. It’s like one day you realize that the fairy tale is slightly different than your dream. The castle, well it may not be a castle. And it’s not so important that it’s happily ever after – just that it’s happy right now. See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in awhile, people may even take your breath away. "
Again quotes comming from Grey's
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Growing up
"After careful consideration and many sleepless nights, here’s what I've decided. There's no such thing as a grown-up. We move on, we move out, we move away from our families and form our own. But the basic insecurities, the basic fears and all those old wounds just grow up with us. And just we think life and circumstances have forced us truly to become an adult, your mother says something like that. Or worse, something like that. We get bigger, we get taller, we get older. But, for the most part, we're still a bunch of kids, running around the playground, trying desperately to fit in. "
Do you feel like this, at the work place do you try to find someone to fit in with. At church do you try to fit in with the another group? Even at work we are trying to fit in. We are trying to make sure that we please everyone. Well guess what you cant please everyone all the time, and when you keep trying then you are not pleasing yourself. We all try to fit into certain frames. Well that is what i want to break out of I want to be my own person. I don't want to feel the need to fit into someones frame of what I should be. Maybe that is why I enjoy life so much. I don't hold myself to someone Else's standards because when I do I get all upset.
I am told I am not supposed to like this person or that person. I am told I am to hold grudges well guess what I don't. I am not that type of person. I can not think of one person I hate, for the simple fact hate is an emotion so close to love that the lines sometimes get blurred. Yes there are people that agitate me. As well as I see people that just make me think, what in the world are they doing. I was never a bully or part of the perfect click. I have always just been me. Different in so many ways it isn't funny, wait it may be funny when you look at it.
Yea on the outside I may be the same as every other person walking down the street. I wear the clothes that are in style but on the inside I am a lot different. I think differently why hold a grudge against someone when all it does cause yourself misery. I much rather be happy and relaxed than when you see someone that has hurt you or disappointed you and you hold that grudge it makes your inside all queasy. Now why in the world would I want to do that. I would rather move on and laugh about it.
There are people I don't care to associate with and those people I just don't speak to. I don't throw insults because they will just know that they have gotten under your skin. Guess what I don't let many do that. My friends, yes I can be hurt by them but then they are my friends I would rather hear the truth from them even if they feel I am acting like an idiot. Hey that is what friends do they praise you when you are right or call you down when you are wrong. Yet so many times we just want the rose colored version of life. We have refused to grow up!!! and further more....
"I've heard that it’s possible to grow up, I've just never met anyone who’s actually done it. Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves. We throw tantrums when things don’t go our way. We whisper secrets with our best friend, in the dark. We look for comfort where we can find it. And we hope against all logic, against all experience, like children, we never give up hope."
Quotations from Grey's Anatomy...no wonder i love this show
Monday, January 26, 2009
finding blessings even in sickness
Okay I have felt miserable today... stomach cramps and headache. Oh YEA so much fun. So anyways started the day off by trying to go to work, was only there for 1 1/2 hours my stomach hurt so much it was hard to take phone calls. So where does the blessings come in. Well I came home and curled up in bed, something I hardly ever really get to do. There was a movie on I have been wanting to see for a long time. So I watched it and in the end of the movie says. If you are always alone, then doesnt that mean that everyone is alone together. Well I kinda had to laugh been fighting that feeling alot the last couple of months. The alone thing. The thing is I have been really trying to remember that with Jesus we are never alone, He is always there not matter what even when we dont think He is He is always there. Got to love it. Even laying down stomach upset and head pounding God is there for me. So there is my blessing for the day.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
I am a first time mom and letting go has not been a very easy task for me. I fear the unknown. Each time my son has entered a new stage of life I cringe. Fear of hurts and disappointments seeing that disappointed look on the face of my son. The fear of peer pressure and outside influences in my child's life scares me to no end. Will he be strong enough in His faith to stand against what he knows it not right, will he make wise choices?
Then I get this horrible sense of inadequacy. Am I a good Mother? Did I arm him with enough knowledge that their own decisions would always have consequences? Did I help make him secure enough in himself that he would be able to handle disappointments? Enough sense to walk away from a situation that can only land him in trouble? Then I was stopped short in my tracks… wasn't it God that trusted this child to my hands to be raised the way HE wanted Him to be.
In the Old Testament we read how important children are. When women couldn't have children they felt defeated. Hannah for example couldn't eat because she was so grief stricken not having a child. There are so many joys of having a child.
The Joy of birth. Yes, there is the pain of the birth, but once you hold that child in your arms it is completely forgotten. To see that tiny bundle curled up in your arms and the complete dependency that child has on you.
John 16:21 (New International Version)
21A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world.
Second is the pride and delight of a child's development.
Ever talked to a new First time mother, when their child takes that first step or says their first word to them it is a miracle. When you hear a child laughs or performing in their first play. The first day of school okay that wasn't a good thing for me I cried the whole way to work after watching him get on the bus. The first project they did on their own and the first honor roll grade card, and even when they do very well in sports. I am sure I will see many more along the way. As mothers we get so excited and can't help be a bit prideful when we see our children succeed.
The wonder we seen when we look threw a child's eyes.
Coloring their first picture or any new experience. When they look at bugs, flowers or even clouds they are simply amazed. Sometimes we forget what it is like to lay on our backs and look up at the clouds and see different shapes. Try doing that with your child, not only is it quality time with your child but it is very relaxing. How about way they see the sights and sounds around them from Christmas time to the first time they bring home those all so wonderful bouquet of "God's flowers." Dandelions.
Another blessing is being used by God to comfort.
From the first boo boo's and scraped knees to helping them through the first disappointment when someone doesn't like them just because of them. Next comes the disappointments of not making the team to their first heartbreak. And the first time for you finding the experience of God answering your plea for the perfect words of wisdom and comfort at the right time.
Finally, has anyone ever thought that God is using our children as a way to develop us?
To most mothers and father, parenting is a total commitment, from the very beginning being up in the middle of the night, all the way to the first time they are out on their own. Through being a parent God teach us about patience, wisdom, will power, and most importantly unconditional love. Every day we have the chance to plant tiny seeds to help them grow into good people and loving Christians. It is up to us to teach perseverance, compassion, and understanding.
When you are about to give up hope and unsure about your choices as parents? Don't!!! Your children they are a gift from God. God gave them to you and he hasn't ever given up on you. The funny thing is when you least expect it you will see those children, you think are not listening, actually using what you have taught them and make the wisest of choices.
Then I get this horrible sense of inadequacy. Am I a good Mother? Did I arm him with enough knowledge that their own decisions would always have consequences? Did I help make him secure enough in himself that he would be able to handle disappointments? Enough sense to walk away from a situation that can only land him in trouble? Then I was stopped short in my tracks… wasn't it God that trusted this child to my hands to be raised the way HE wanted Him to be.
In the Old Testament we read how important children are. When women couldn't have children they felt defeated. Hannah for example couldn't eat because she was so grief stricken not having a child. There are so many joys of having a child.
The Joy of birth. Yes, there is the pain of the birth, but once you hold that child in your arms it is completely forgotten. To see that tiny bundle curled up in your arms and the complete dependency that child has on you.
John 16:21 (New International Version)
21A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world.
Second is the pride and delight of a child's development.
Ever talked to a new First time mother, when their child takes that first step or says their first word to them it is a miracle. When you hear a child laughs or performing in their first play. The first day of school okay that wasn't a good thing for me I cried the whole way to work after watching him get on the bus. The first project they did on their own and the first honor roll grade card, and even when they do very well in sports. I am sure I will see many more along the way. As mothers we get so excited and can't help be a bit prideful when we see our children succeed.
The wonder we seen when we look threw a child's eyes.
Coloring their first picture or any new experience. When they look at bugs, flowers or even clouds they are simply amazed. Sometimes we forget what it is like to lay on our backs and look up at the clouds and see different shapes. Try doing that with your child, not only is it quality time with your child but it is very relaxing. How about way they see the sights and sounds around them from Christmas time to the first time they bring home those all so wonderful bouquet of "God's flowers." Dandelions.
Another blessing is being used by God to comfort.
From the first boo boo's and scraped knees to helping them through the first disappointment when someone doesn't like them just because of them. Next comes the disappointments of not making the team to their first heartbreak. And the first time for you finding the experience of God answering your plea for the perfect words of wisdom and comfort at the right time.
Finally, has anyone ever thought that God is using our children as a way to develop us?
To most mothers and father, parenting is a total commitment, from the very beginning being up in the middle of the night, all the way to the first time they are out on their own. Through being a parent God teach us about patience, wisdom, will power, and most importantly unconditional love. Every day we have the chance to plant tiny seeds to help them grow into good people and loving Christians. It is up to us to teach perseverance, compassion, and understanding.
When you are about to give up hope and unsure about your choices as parents? Don't!!! Your children they are a gift from God. God gave them to you and he hasn't ever given up on you. The funny thing is when you least expect it you will see those children, you think are not listening, actually using what you have taught them and make the wisest of choices.
happy vs. joy
Happy, 1) delighted, pleased , or glad
Joy 1) the emotion of great delight caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying.
Pretty much the saym right. WRONG...
Happiness is the pursuit of material objects, new cars, homes or even relationships. Lets think about it... How long does happiness stick around when we are happy about a new object, a day, a week. If we are in a relationship and we are using that relationship to help us with happiness then how long does it take to go sour. We find faults and misgivings about the people we supposively adore. We should be looking at ourselves, happiness is not something that sticks. That is joy.
Joy is the inner feeling when even bad things happy you can still smile. You dont lose the joy. Joy is the ability to be content in all circumstances. Joy is knowing the world around you is falling but you can still manage to move about with a smile on your face. It is a calmness and steadiness in troubled times. Joy is constinant and always there.
I am on that path where I finding joy not just happiness. I am not worried about what is going on around me, I am finding a peace and understanding to where I am joyful. I love that feeling. Here are a few of the things I was told that would help me and thought I would pass them along.
1) prayer or meditation which ever you prefer or your religious beliefs... mine are truely prayer it is a comfort for me to know that is always someone there to listen to me.
2) Try to see the good in yourself and others around you.
3) Forgive yourself of pass mistakes and forgive others.
4) Let go of hurts and hardships around you. In the end everything will work itself out.
5) Try to focus more on the positive rather than focusing on the negative.
Joy 1) the emotion of great delight caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying.
Pretty much the saym right. WRONG...
Happiness is the pursuit of material objects, new cars, homes or even relationships. Lets think about it... How long does happiness stick around when we are happy about a new object, a day, a week. If we are in a relationship and we are using that relationship to help us with happiness then how long does it take to go sour. We find faults and misgivings about the people we supposively adore. We should be looking at ourselves, happiness is not something that sticks. That is joy.
Joy is the inner feeling when even bad things happy you can still smile. You dont lose the joy. Joy is the ability to be content in all circumstances. Joy is knowing the world around you is falling but you can still manage to move about with a smile on your face. It is a calmness and steadiness in troubled times. Joy is constinant and always there.
I am on that path where I finding joy not just happiness. I am not worried about what is going on around me, I am finding a peace and understanding to where I am joyful. I love that feeling. Here are a few of the things I was told that would help me and thought I would pass them along.
1) prayer or meditation which ever you prefer or your religious beliefs... mine are truely prayer it is a comfort for me to know that is always someone there to listen to me.
2) Try to see the good in yourself and others around you.
3) Forgive yourself of pass mistakes and forgive others.
4) Let go of hurts and hardships around you. In the end everything will work itself out.
5) Try to focus more on the positive rather than focusing on the negative.
Life at this point
Okay so it has been awhile since I have just sat down and started to write to fill everyone in on what is going on in my corner of the world. Where do I start???
Lets see I will start with the little man... my pride and joy. The sparkle in my eye. Yea I know I can go a bit over board about him, but hey I am proud of my little man. He is doing really well in school. He played football this year :D He did really good for his first year. His coach said he was the most managable child to coach. He is also doing bible quizzing again. The last quiz meet he placed 2nd. So I was VERY proud. Not just because of His achievements but he really is a good kid. Alot of times I forget that and come down a bit to hard on him, but that is part of being a single mom. Sometimes you have to do those things.
Lets see what else. This Summer I am heading to Florida. Wooo Hoooo Jordon is really excited to see the ocean as well as I am. I am coaching again this year red level bible quizzers. It still suprises me how much this children know. They are so much like sponges they soak every thing up. I have taken on alot more responsibilities at work, keep thinking bigger raise bigger raise. LAUGHS.
My family is doing well so all in all I am very blessed. I love my job and have LOTS to look forward to. I dont get to see my friends alot but I love you all very much and you all are always in my prayers. Maybe next time I will write something just a bit more exciting LAUGHS. BIG HUGS!!!!!
Lets see I will start with the little man... my pride and joy. The sparkle in my eye. Yea I know I can go a bit over board about him, but hey I am proud of my little man. He is doing really well in school. He played football this year :D He did really good for his first year. His coach said he was the most managable child to coach. He is also doing bible quizzing again. The last quiz meet he placed 2nd. So I was VERY proud. Not just because of His achievements but he really is a good kid. Alot of times I forget that and come down a bit to hard on him, but that is part of being a single mom. Sometimes you have to do those things.
Lets see what else. This Summer I am heading to Florida. Wooo Hoooo Jordon is really excited to see the ocean as well as I am. I am coaching again this year red level bible quizzers. It still suprises me how much this children know. They are so much like sponges they soak every thing up. I have taken on alot more responsibilities at work, keep thinking bigger raise bigger raise. LAUGHS.
My family is doing well so all in all I am very blessed. I love my job and have LOTS to look forward to. I dont get to see my friends alot but I love you all very much and you all are always in my prayers. Maybe next time I will write something just a bit more exciting LAUGHS. BIG HUGS!!!!!
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