My Queens

I have been wanting to do this one for awhile I was just not sure how to start and how long it would be. You see I have this group of girls, each one so different, each one so strong, each one a queen in their own ways. You see I have a girl group. I see them and I see a queen, they are my crew I go to when I need a smile, when I need to vent, when I need to cry, when I need something, anything. They are an inspiration, my safe haven, they accept me when I can not accept myself. I dont know where I would be without them. So here it goes! Soooo, when I saw this play coming out about two years ago I so wanted to go see it. It was about Henry the VIII and his six wives, in reality it was about his SIX wives, forget about him. The play is called SIX...

Okay your are going to ask, how do you compare six women of todays world of six dead queens, they were just queens of some chauvinistic, egotistical, male. WELLLLLLL, when you dig a little deeper you will see. Each one of these womam was a QUEEN. If you looked into the backgrounds and what they endure, you would be shocked. If they were able to write their own stories it makes you wonder just how different History would have been. So, here is my version of SIX and my group and what I see with each one. Here it goes... Katherine of Aragon.... AKA Amaanda. Ohhhhh Amanada, She is a Queen by definition, I see how her family respects her, and how she is strong and steadfast. She is amazing, loyal, and fierce. You see Katherine of Aragon was a Queen before she became "the" queen. She was taken to a foreign county at a very young age told to accept her status and that she was going to be queen of england one way or the other. She was suppossed to marry one brother then when that failed because of his early death, she was heald captive for 8 years. 8 YEARS of her young life in order to wait for the younger brother to mature enough to marry. Then when she marries him she stuggles in multiple childbirths loosing 4 children. Then after having a child her husband says not good enough and wants to put her in a nunnery because it was not a boy, and saying their marriage is null and void due to her marrying is brother, but that marriage was never consummated. BUT, she never gave up! She never backed down, she stood her ground. She was feirce and a sight to behold in every aspect. She refused to give up her title and refused to let anyone take what was hers. She was a queen of queens, and no one ever forgot it. She was regal in all ways and held fast to her beliefs. She was amazing, just like my Amanda aka Panda. Okay sooo I am going to skip Anne Boleyn until the end... Jane Seymore--my crazy Ashley... so devoted to her family and husband. She sees the good in everyone, and honestly do not believe she has a truly mean bone in her body. This queen is the true queen of hearts and devoted to her friends and family. She gives till it hurts. Sometimes I forget just how kind her heart truly is. Like Jane Seymore she stood by Henry till it hurt. She truly loved him and died to give him the son he so badly desired. Her heart was pure and was said that she was the love of his life. Like Jane, Ashley is never afraid to show love and give kindness even when it hurts her. Something I truly admire. Anne of Cleves...the infamous April. My independent queen, who needs no prince to be a princess. Anne was able to escape Henry without losing her head, dying, and gaining land and a castle. She was smart, independent and did her own thing. She was strong and the funny thing for everything that was written about her looks she was given the title of the Kings beloved sister. He loved Anne but was not in love with her. Anne had her own castle in Richmond with lands and her own money. She was smart and outlived all of his wives and was close to all Henry's children. After her very brief marriage to Henry she never again had to marry or live under a man's rule. She did her own thing. Hense my April is my Anne of Cleves. She is truly and inspiration of a strong independent woman. She has made her way in the world and handled every struggle and come out on the other side more beautiful than before. I have seen her be an inspiration for so many and lend a helping hand time and time again. She has climbed so many mountains and done so with grace and strength. She is a guiding light and the definition of beauty. Catherine Howard- my lishy lish my fun loving alway ready for a smile Queen. They say that is why Henry choose Cat Howard, she could make him laugh. She was young vivacious and always fun to be around. She gave him a zest for life he was so looking for. This is how I see my Lish, so full of life. But what people dont know was there was so much more to this woman like there is Lish. She was extremely intellegent and had to grow up at a very young age. She had to fight every breath and survive a very young and tramatic youth. Her family liked to use her for their own personal gain but she still found ways to smile and see the beauty in life. Little did people know she was so intellegent, she was crafted in many different forms of music, and was a brilliant secertary and used everything she could to learn what she could to survive. That is my Lish, the way I have watched her in life always wanting happiness for her children and family and reaching out to find ways to make someone laugh even when she is hurting. I just hope she knows what a queen she truly is. Catherine Parr- Ms. Boo aka Candace. The wise queen the one that outlived HenryVII one but simply outsmarting him. She was very strong willed, a fierce advocate for women she wrote books, and even had a woman paint her portrait. She did not back down from Henry's temper and gave back what he gave her. She was a strong step mother and faught for her step children. She loved them as her own even to raise Elizabeth in her home after Henry died. She faught for what was right in her eyes and never once back down. That is when I see when I see Candace, and advocate for those who deserve it. A true force of nature that will not let something that is wrong slide. She is strong independent woman and will raise her daughters to be queens. She is a role model even when she doesnt realize she is. Finally Anne Boylen-- aka me. Anne Boylen was misjudged and accused of so many things. She broke the rules by playing by the rules. She used her wits which made many men uncomfortable to the point that even Henry VIII that was so in love with her was also scared. She stood for what she believed, she didnt want to be just another play thing but want the all not just a part. She was not going to be used and then discarded. She knew her worth. Unfortunately that was very unconvental at the time and eventually was her downfall. I am thankful that in todays world. I am allowed to know my worth and be strong and voice my opion and not back down what I believe I deserve is mine and go after that and not settle for second best. My QueensNow what I hope people understand, I see each of these qualities in my girl group, by SIX by soul mates. They each stand out on their own but when they are together they are a force to be reckoned with. Can you imagened what it would have been like if these six queens would have been like if they were all alived today. They would have overthrown Henry, and we would have had a totally different history or "herstory." LOL, I am blessed that I get to see them in my little group of friends that have become my sisters.

10 years waiting.

Ten years waiting. WOW... has it been that long. I used to blog, write, get my thoughts out and it was so theraputic before I even know it was theraputic. I guess maybe that is why I started it so long ago. There has been so much that has happen in my life and changes I never thought I would be where I am. I guess the first step is to write where I am and the changes that have happen. Ten years... let see grown child, now a man, now a vetran of the USMC. Open heart surgery Loss of a Little girl Change in Career An adult relationship based on mutual respect. Growing up two dogs and learning many things about myself. I am sure if I am able to continue writing I will be able to expand on each and every one. Some not as easy as others, but so many things I have tried and so many things that fill in all the gaps. When you think about it that is what life is like. You start with big stones, then add smaller pebbles, then sand and then there is still room for water. When you think your life is full there is so much more that is added. Family first always, then friends, then coworkers and even the people you just cross the street. I am not sure where I am going to start but I know there is a lot to expand on. I guess I will just write till I can't write no more. Sometimes it will be dull others insightful and sometimes just ramblings, but I guess here we go.

long time...

Okay so it has been awhile... I guess I seriously need to start writing again. It is definitely one of the things I do enjoy and well my adventures in life are actually somewhat interesting. So I guess every so often I am going to let people know what is going on. Here is the thing I am going to start this tomorrow when my brain is cleared and I can actually think about things.

fall's a coming

No matter how hard you try, no matter how good your intentions, you are going to make mistake. You are going to hurt people. You are going to get hurt. And if you ever want to recover, theres really only one thing you can say...let it go.
Imagin this... a sad picture if you look at it in a certain way. A winter walkway, cold and lonely. That is where i feel like my life has been lately cold and lonely. i have been working hard and thinking, causing for many late nights by myself with my mind. Driving home later than normal up later than normal ALOT more time by myself. i have been deep in thought (and yes sometimes converstaion) with God and sometimes with myself. Scary place to be sometimes. My dark and twisty mind. i am starting to think something is seriously seriously wrong. I have a bitter sweet relationship with fall. i love the colors but then i stop and think, OH MAN winter is comming no sunshine, no nothing but dull grey clouds. Then comes the past hurts the ugly things i try desperately to forget. The things that make me close off from the rest of the world and turn from the people i love. The difference, this year i am not able to hide under my covers and i am having to face everyone and everything. No it has not been easy as a matter of fact it has been hard extremely hard. With Jordon growing up and not around as much it leaves me to my own self destructive mode. (NOT a good thing) It is things in that dark past that i try so hard to forgive and forget that druge back up and cause major damage to my security. DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNN...i KNOW i KNOW i am supposted to give it to God and not worry about the past... but you know sometimes that is kinda rough to look at all the bad things about yourself and not worry. i know i have nothing to worry about i have nothing to fear but right now i feel like i am a dark dismal walk on my own. Without someone physically beside me holding my hand. i know i can handle it and i can get through it. i always do. The problem is i dont want to do it alone. The worst problem is that those old wombs pop back up when we least expect it. i have forgiven most of the past hurts but forgetting is a totally different story. The damage has been done unfortunately sometimes it is harder to heal sometimes those hurts come back up and bite you in the butt. Right now that is where i am at. In general i am healing again i am trying to hold on to the things that i need and letting go of what God does not want for me. It is simple...Forgive and forget. That's what they say. It good advice, but its not very practical. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. When someone wrongs us, we want to be right. Without forgiveness old scores never settle. Old wounds never heal,they just scar over. I hope someday that God will help me with the forgiveness and that someday I'll be lucky enough to forget.

Vacation right round the corner

So I am heading on vacation in 4 days. It has been a long time since I have taken any time to myself. I am really going to enjoy it. Other than that, life is going good, working alot, and watching Jordon in Civil Air Patrol. That and hanging with the Youth group when I have time. I am telling you those kids really do amaze me. They are all so smart and different but they are all really good kids. I love talking to them, and learning with them. Yes I said with them. because I learn just as much if not more from them than they do from me. I love listening to what they have to think and what they want to do. I just hope I am a good example to them as well.

way to long

Wow, simply wow. I hadn't realized how long it has been since I have actually blogged on here. OVER A YEAR! I guess that is what happens when you start working two jobs and running all the time. The last couple of weeks I have decided to DESTRESS my life. How is it working so far? Well, I am down to one job and taking a step back from some other things that has been taking to much time. So, now what, I am not sure just going to follow God's guide for me and praying all the way. I am excited for what the future holds and cant wait to see each step. As for the boy, He just turned 13 and has the attitude to go along with it. Atleast with me that is. He is still doing CAP and doing alot at church so yea so far so good.

Happy day!!!

Okay so Jordon was baptized today, how could I keep from crying... couple of reasons why! One, I am just proud of the person he is TRYING to be. Second, simply He is growing up and that is hard. I miss the mommies, but I guess I should be glad I get to hear the yells mom when I walk in from work. He is actually a really good kid. Just a little over zealous, I shouldnt complain about that one to much. He seems happy and well adjusted for having such a crazy mom! I am just glad he knows I love him so much! But I am proud of him. His spirital growth and the decision to join Civil Air Patrol. It is so up his alley, but will tell more about that another time.